Walls
by rustyliver
Summary: She hears voices at night, when she can't go to sleep


She hears voices at night, when she can't go to sleep so she goes to the Warehouse and does inventory. Pete and Claudia call her a workaholic. But it's just a way for her to pass the time. It beats lying awake in her bed and having thoughts she doesn't really want to think about.

The voices keep her company. No, it's _a_ voice. After the first five times, she figured out that there is only one voice. She was worried at first. She thought that an artifact might have whammied her. She told Artie about it and he told her to check her pockets.

"It might be Houdini's Wallet again."

But the wallet has been staying on its shelf like a good little artifact.

And the voice is not Sam. She can hardly make out the words most of the time because it whispers but the voice is soft like a woman's.

"Or it might be your thing."

"What thing?"

"Sometimes, the Warehouse likes to greet its agents. You know, to show appreciation for taking care of it. So it communicates in a way that is unique to each of its agents."

"What is your thing?"

"The Warehouse wakes me up at 5 with a ping. Every morning."

"No wonder you're so grumpy all the time."

Artie shook his head and continued scribbling on his paper. "But just in case, if you hear the voice again, look around. It might be an artifact." He looked up briefly. "Never trust an artifact."

But the whispers don't come to her at the same place. And she always checks her pockets in case an artifact decides to hitch a ride with her. But nothing.

Finally, she decided it must be the Warehouse.

It freaked her out a little in the beginning. But after sometime, she finds it soothing because just when her mind starts drifting somewhere she doesn't want it to go, it whispers 'hello'. It could be saying something else but she assumes it's a 'hello'.

Then she talks to it like they're having a conversation. She tells it about her day. About the artifact she bagged. One time, she heard it chuckle. She was talking about something stupid Pete did. She had laughed too even though she was actually very annoyed with what Pete did. He had touched another artifact and she was left to clean up his mess again. But somehow, its laugh managed to tickle her.

Tonight, however, she can't take her mind off Sam. Even the presence of the voice can't calm her. Seeing Sam again in Riverton Penitentiary really shook her up. At least when she thought his death might be her fault, she can feel the guilt freely.

Guilt is something she is accustomed to. She had grown up feeling guilty for not being the son her father wanted her to be. At least, guilt is familiar and she knows how to ignore it.

So when the guilt is gone, all she has left is the grief and she doesn't know what to do with it or how to make it go away.

_Perhaps you have no choice in the matter._

She turns around.

_You just have to feel it._

Like always, no one is there.

_So you hear me. Finally._

"Are you the Warehouse?"

The voice laughs. _No. My name is Helena._

So it really is a woman.

"What are you?"

_I am a ghost, I suppose._

"You were an agent?"

_I was. In Warehouse 12._

"Is there anyone else stuck in here?"

_You mean, will you end up haunting this place when you die?_

She didn't think of that but now she's curious. So she nods.

_There are a few of us here. But not all._

"Why?"

_That is too personal for now. Why don't you tell me about Sam?_

"Well, that's too personal for me."

_But I know everything about you, Ophelia._

Myka blushes. "Then there is nothing to tell," she says.

It feels like Helena has been reading her diary but she can't get mad because she was the one who left it in places where she knew Helena would find it.

But maybe she can get a little offended. "You do know that's kind of creepy?"

_Ah, that is the life of a ghost._

Myka covers her mouth with her clipboard to hide her barely contained smile at Helena's overly dragged sigh.

_So what should we do?_

"I have work."

But Helena doesn't seem to hear her.

_I know! You have to see the Escher Vault._

"I need to finish—"

_Forget that. I want to show you one of the best rooms in the Warehouse._

...

"Artie said an agent got lost in there."

_He is still trying to find his way out._

"So how do you know we won't get lost?"

_That is part of the thrill._

Upon hearing Helena's answer, Myka knows that she should run. She has read enough books to know that when something you can't see invites you into a mysterious door, a terrible fate will be waiting on the other side.

Helena laughs. _I'm joking._

And something jumps in her stomach. Myka isn't sure if it is giddiness or nerves. Whether Helena is infecting her with her excitement or she is terrified of what is behind that door.

She lifts one foot but her heel refuses to leave the floor so she puts it back down again. Because it's a ghost she's listening to. Or maybe not even a ghost. Maybe it's just in her head. Artifact or not. Maybe the walls she has put up are finally caving in on her. Twenty nine years of relying only on herself, not needing anyone else, pretending not to care about the empty space around her. Even Sam only managed to poke holes. And now, her brain has invented an imaginary friend to keep her company without her having to open up her heart.

That's the only explanation because the feeling in the pit of her stomach that makes her skin tingle with curiosity is not real. And the way her body thinks it's safe to follow that feeling because of someone who isn't really here is not her. She's good with details and decisions based on pros and cons. She's not Pete. She doesn't have vibes. Her gut is the least trustworthy part of her.

_My perception is quite different from that of a human's. So I can find my way in the Escher Vault easily._

Myka doesn't realize that her foot is not really touching the floor anymore.

_The worst thing that could happen is you will spend an eternity with me._

And that is all it takes.

Besides, sometimes, behind a door is a world full of wonder.

...

She feels Helena one day. Her hand.

Helena has this idea that there are several points of gravity in the Escher Vault. That's why sometimes when Myka looks up in the middle of a book, she will find herself upside down or sideways.

_Maybe if you jump, instead of falling, you will float. Eventually._

Myka says no.

_Aren't you curious?_

She shakes her head.

_I thought bringing you in here will make this room more fun._

"So I'm your lab rat."

It's not the first time Helena has asked her to try out one of her hypotheses. Sometimes, it's something simple like putting a rock in one place before she leaves so that Helena can monitor it all day to see if the room only responds to a human observer. Other times, it's something life threatening like tonight.

_You are so much more, love._

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

But like all the other times, she puts her book aside and asks what she has to do because she finds Helena's curiosity the second most endearing thing about her. The first is Helena's unabashed pride when she's right.

She is always right.

And Myka knows she should pay attention to that part of her brain that is screaming the law of averages at her but she is too preoccupied with the warm and gooey feeling in her stomach to listen to it.

The door has brought to her more wonder when she thought she has a rough idea of what endless wonder might look like.

_That is why it is called endless wonder._

They have talked about it before. Her thoughts are private. But Helena can't help it sometimes. She says when Myka is thinking too hard, her thoughts become too loud to shut out.

"But that's not the kind of wonder I'm thinking about. Not the kind where a cup turns wine into water or a chip that could predict the future."

Maybe, Myka thinks, that is what she needs sometimes when her head doesn't make much sense and she can't actually put all those jumbled up thoughts into words so they just keep piling up and eventually become another part of her that she is too afraid to show to anyone.

Helena somehow always manages to put them into pretty sentences and make those thoughts seem okay to tell to another person.

_What is it then?_

Helena is unlike any other person she has met.

"You."

Helena is the wonder she found behind that door.

She jumps and as she falls, she feels warmth in her hand. And that warmth squeezes her hand and rubs its thumb on the back of her palm.

She doesn't even realize it when gravity pulls her back.

And when she lands safely on one of the stairs, the relief from still having that warmth in her hand beats out the relief from still being alive.

...

Helena's hand isn't the only body part she can touch after that. It took a while to get used to kissing an invisible person. She missed a lot at first. Helena mercilessly teased her about it. Still does even though Myka has memorized every inch of Helena's face.

She's beautiful. And somewhat familiar.

Helena says it's because they know each other so well that of course she looks, or feels familiar.

Then Myka finds out the real reason.

Artie is the one who shows it to her.

The thing about Artie is that he never notices what anyone else is wearing. Myka is not sure if Artie realizes what he is wearing most of the time.

And the one time he notices, it isn't to compliment Myka on her outfit. It is something on her neck. Something she doesn't realize she has been wearing until Artie points it out.

"New necklace?"

She is about to tell Artie that he might need new glasses when her hand subconsciously reaches for her collarbone and finds a round locket.

Artie snaps on his purple gloves before Myka can say artifact.

Apparently, Artie only noticed the locket because he has seen it before in some worn out photograph. And now, he is pacing from one random drawer to another to find it.

Myka doesn't tell him that he should look in the Warehouse 12 files. She is waiting for Helena to come to her and tell her that she is not the creation of some artifact.

She repeats Helena's name in her mind. She thinks it as hard and as loud as possible.

But Helena doesn't come.

Not even when Artie shows Myka the bronze statue that Helena has become.

She knows it's Helena but she still traces her hand on Helena's face to be absolutely sure. Then she wishes she hasn't done that because it just breaks her heart even more.

Artie wants to tell her who Helena is but she doesn't let him because she knows who Helena is.

"Can we…will she…" she can't get the words out because she knows Artie's answer will be no.

Artie looks at her sadly. "She did terrible things, Myka."

And Myka has to believe that this Helena and her Helena are two different people.

...

It turns out the real Helena isn't so different from her Helena after all. She is as curious and her excitement from feeding her curiosity is as infectious. She is always right and she knows it. And the smug look she gets from proving herself right is reminiscent of the Helena Myka knew. And she says things that echo Myka's thoughts as if she can read Myka's mind.

But Myka is still wary of her. She has a history and secrets that make it hard for Myka to trust her. And there is some residual anger from when Helena left her. Helena lied to her even though she doesn't know it.

Myka knows that her anger doesn't make much sense. Nothing does with Helena. But somehow, when she is with Helena, everything seems to fall into place.

So she doesn't know if she really wants stop Helena from breaking down her walls yet again.


End file.
